While the United States of America thoroughly condemns images that offend your exquisite religious sensitivities, it is our official position that use of RPGs at film festivals is overzealous. We have therefore withdrawn our Ambassador.
Notwithstanding that sanction, and as a show of good faith, we have given a “two thumbs down” rating to the perpetrator of the most recent offense against The Prophet Mohammed. See attached photograph. The United States therefore expects all film related festivities in the Middle East and Africa to cease being hosted on US soil.
To further encourage a return to normal relations, the President of the United States will issue an executive order banning showings of the movie “Zero Dark Thirty.” As you may know, this film documents the death of Osama bin-Laden. The rumor that President Obama’s Administration directly co-operated in the making of that film must be stopped.
Below you will find reporting indicating that the American people fully support our initiatives.
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Secretary of Statism
Pay No Attention to the Burning Flags, Stormed Consulates, and Dead Americans . . .
By Victor Davis Hanson
Raging crowds and Islamic wrath could not possibly be connected to the enlightened Obama administration or, more generally to a U.S. that has been “reset” on his watch — given the three years of laborious Muslim outreach and the long-ago departure of George Bush. So we are to think away all those burning flags, stormed consulates, and dead Americans, and instead remember that the violence “is a response,” a sort of cry of the heart against a couple of America-residing video makers — and has nothing much to do with any anger at well-meaning Americans per se.
The American people cannot be allowed to discover that Barack Obama’s policy of appeasement has persuaded our enemies that we are weak and feckless and has elicited aggression on their part. Nor can they be allowed to learn that Hillary Clinton and our minions have been grossly negligent with regard to the security of our embassies, consulates, and other installations in the larger Muslim world. Instead, we must ignore the spirit of the First Amendment and vent our wrath on an inept Coptic Christian immigrant from Egypt.