Sexual procurement

Trying my hand at clickbait…

Japanese mayor says only men should be allowed to go grocery shopping during coronavirus crisis because women take too long – Blazing Cat Fur

At first I thought, “This guy is onto something!” Weeks ago, I suggested banning women from garden center, paint, furniture and flooring departments. This would mitigate the human interaction-duration problem Michigan’s Governor used to justify disallowing such sales.

Men generally don’t, for example, take 20 minutes to decide which of the 37 shades of white best match the antique doilies in the guest room.

“That woman in Michigan” couldn’t go as far as a grocery store ban based on sex, though. Can you imagine the embarrassment from a gathering of 1,000 women drivers circling the Capitol building waving their expiring coupons? The coupons they can’t trust their husbands to use?

Would Gretchen tell them, “I don’t want you wandering all over the store picking out things you don’t really need just so you can get the 10th item free,” or, “Down with the Patriarchal oppression of grocery shopping! It’s for your own good.” My bet would have been on the latter until Biden ran into #MeToo problems with Tara Reade.

It occurs to me that the sale of clothing at Meijer’s should have been banned before those other items. Women might squeeze the occasional cucumber, but they run their hands all over clothing they have no intention of buying. And women will bring home three similar (well handled) items, intending to return two, just so they can ask their husbands perilous questions about the fit.

All because there’s a “sale” sign… Make that “SALE!”

Which word should be banned from all signs for the duration. Its use just attracts and encourages women to linger unnecessarily. “Look, a squirrel!”

On reflection, though, I’ve decided banning women from grocery shopping is a bridge too far. First, then I might have to do it. I’m not trusted with coupons for good reason. For example, I won’t stop at three stores to use coupons to save $0.92.

Second, I’m afraid men would be excluded from hardware and gun stores.