Business Insider has a glacial news day. Still needs clicks.
This was published the day after Speaker Pelosi said she had asked the six Democrat committee chairmen investigating Trump to draft articles of impeachment:
Trump’s salt and pepper shakers tower over everyone else’s. Obama, Bush, and Clinton used the same size shakers as their guests.
You’d think they could have saved the salt and pepper jokes for later, in case Biden and Kamala end up as nominees. And they shouldn’t even attempt competition with the Babylon Bee.
In addition to the extended headline – clearly intended to compare Trump unfavorably to Obama, Bush, and Clinton – BI speculates that “it could also be another power move, alongside his fierce handshakes and bulky suits.”
And nothing about eating dogs, mispronouncing nuclear, or creative uses for cigars. Sad.
They can’t even perpetrate a hit job properly. They couldn’t find anybody to interview who’d contend larger salt and pepper shakers are compensation for the size of Trump’s penis? Couldn’t somehow extrapolate to a dinner of fried chicken, collard greens and watermelon for Texas Rep Al Green? And where was Pamela Karlan when she was needed for more hysterical riffing on Baron’s name?
I admit I feel sympathetic to the President. I have, at bare minimum, two similar quirks. These two are not exhaustive, they just come to mind immediately and unbidden.
1- My wife and I own some high quality, yet everyday, stainless-steel-ware she favors. From a purely visual esthetic standpoint, she’s right. Functionally, not so much.
This is the default guest silverware (sorry, everyone), unless we trust them enough to bring out the actual silverware AND we’re having a State dinner. This happens rarely anymore.
I vastly prefer a set of older, cheaper, thinner, more utilitarian eating utensils. These are kept in a separate drawer from the ‘good’ everyday cutlery. To demonstrate, I suppose, that when I reach into ‘that drawer’ my Philistine tastes do not represent the refinement of the rest of the household. That would be my wife.
Oh, there are jokes and chuckles from the rest of the family about it, too. When they gather to eat my turkey, for example, it’s been unaccountably described as ‘baby silverware,’ though most humans under the age of twelve can’t even lift the ‘good’ set, nor fit a supposed teaspoon in their mouth if they did manage it.
This, even though I keep my silence when they reach for the grinder containing pink Himalayan ‘sea salt.’
2- If I get a pepper shaker (usually this is in a restaurant, since I know which domestic pepper dispensers actually dispense) that delivers only a few flakes every minute even with violent shaking, I unscrew the top so I can get a heaping teaspoon or so on my cottage cheese before the Universe succumbs to entropy.
As a guest at someone’s home, I carefully consider my relationship to my hosts, but unscrewing the top in such cases is not unheard of. I have a reputation for it.
IAC. You might, if you were BI, speculate that I prefer thinner eating utensils because I’m trying to demonstrate humility to my guests, or that I use a lot of pepper as a power tripping display of my macho masculine toxicity. Or, that we couldn’t afford a whole set of the ‘good’ kind.
Well, BI would be wrong. I don’t like my wife’s favored silverware because it’s very handle heavy, tending to balance poorly on the edge of a plate. To get it to balance, the handle has to be shoved into the mashed potatoes, and the business end of the tablespoon is just slightly too wide to be effective at the speed with which I wish to engage my piehole.
As to pepper… on some foods I just like what many consider an overdose. Cottage cheese, for example, is pretty bland and, to my lingual papillae it has some mysterious property that neutralizes the taste of pepper. You need a lot.
I can’t speak to Trump’s fierce handshakes or, necessarily, to bulky suits. I find the dominance handshake pathetic, and I wouldn’t notice whether a suit was bulky. The ‘necessarily’ because I have owned suits which fashion neutral, friendly male observers have described as “horse blankets.” I do not dispute this comparison. In fact, I rather liked it.
President Trump may have similar reasons for his salt and pepper shakers, his hair style, and his skin tone. So? Let’s impeach him.