How not to write a résumé

Courtesy of Captain Capitalism: a link to RESPONSIBILITIES OF A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER at Wellstone Action! where the current “Strategy Memo” is about getting organized to

…train thousands of people to organize for an economy that invests in clean, renewable energy and creates millions of green-collar jobs.

Not doing any of those green-collar jobs, mind you, training some other people so that they can organize millions of other, other people to actually do them. The “economy” will be making the investments that will create these jobs. What do you want to bet it isn’t private capital they have in mind when they say “economy?”

So, straight from the horse’s mouth, here’s what community organizers do:

8am – Wake up, [2 hours later than I do] knowing that the day ahead of you will require you to work long hours, for little pay, less thanks, and zero credit. [Why CO’s don’t like a free market.]

Sit down at your desk, or pick up your cell phone, and figure out the people in the community you need to talk to to identify the challenges being faced. [For example, little pay, less thanks, and zero credit.] Set up meetings with leaders and regular people to get buy-in on the proposed solution. [Re-read Saul Alinsky.]

12pm – Make decisions about how best to proceed with your plan for change in your community. [Vote for Obama.] Figure out how you will influence powerful interests without any resources other than your own scrappy resourcefulness and the support of many individuals earned by painstakingly building relationships. [Vote for Obama. He’ll make them do the right thing.]

5pm – Figure out who in your community wields power and influence, who doesn’t, and why. [Call Bill Ayers and ask him to speak with Obama.] Make hundreds of calls, knock on hundreds of doors, and listen to hundreds of stories in order to bring people together in common cause. [Help ACORN fill out a grant application.] Convince folks to set aside what makes them different [individual responsibility] and focus on their shared interest [government handouts] – it’s the only way to build common ground and affect change. [Vote for Obama.]

8pm – Learn from those around you and prepare for the next day. [Assume this somehow distinguishes you from the rest of the world.] Write follow-up notes, make confirmation calls, and thank your volunteers. [ditto] Remind yourself to be tenacious, because the process of change is long and can be slow in coming. [ditto]

Among the comments:

Well said. Guess the Republicans have written off the votes of Community Organizers and anyone who has ever been helped by them! Stupid move!

Oh, sh*t, never thought of that. The GOP is doomed by the literally dozen of community organizers who are going to switch their votes from McCain to Obama. Now New York, Chicago, Detroit, Philly and D.C. are sure to go Democrat. I can see the bumper stickers now,

“I’m a community organizer and I VOTE!”
paid for by ACORN

This guy, for example, sounds like a McCain voter ready to switch:

I am a community organizer that grew up in the Chicago area. This is one of the main things I like about Obama and his campaign. I am looking forward to him being our next (and possibly greatest) president primarily because I know that he will use the tools of empathy, diffusion, communication, and collaboration that he used as a community organizer to make our country better than its [sic] ever been.

“[E]mpathy, diffusion, communication and collaboration…” I don’t know about you, but I feel more organized, more “centered” somehow, just reading that. I’m sure America’s foes will lose sleep knowing these characteristics define “possibly our greatest president.”

Vladimir Putin may even be forced to counter with a snappy new vision statement for the KGB. “Know, Grow, Bro.”