Good news for everybody but Democrats

An Islamofascist imam, Sheikh Omar Bakri, has congratulated Abu al-Zarqawi on the latter’s recent breakthrough in ambient temperature research.

“It is a good news Alhamdulilaah (thank God), his wedding start as shaheed (martyr), and his deputy confirm the news,” read a statement attributed to Bakri.

The translation loses something in the wording, but here is the whole report (from which I will quote further later on).

I disagree with Sheikh Bakri’s conclusion regarding Mr. Zarqawi’s heavenly nuptials. I tend more to the idea that Mr. Zarqawi’s brides are not heavenly, not virgin and not female. I imagine them to be homosexual serial killers, cannibals and necrophiles. For the trifecta, imagine 72 Jeffrey Dahmer clones – in drag – riding at Disney World in a little train where “It’s a Small World After All” plays for eternity. Mr. Zarqawi is passed from car to car, periodically wearing a horse-hair burqa with nothing underneath.

Bakri was also quoted as vowing that “the jihad will continue,” and expressed gratitude that al-Zarqawi “was not arrested.”

It’s highly probable that I’m even more glad than Sheikh Bakri about Zarqawi not being arrested. I can just imagine defense counsel Ramsey Clark calling Ted Kennedy and Dennis Kucinich as witnesses for the defense:
“In your opinion, Senator/Congressman, if Amerikkka had not invaded Iraq would the Z-Man have been forced to discriminately murder thousands of Shiites? Would our troops have suffered either casualties or the horrible mental derangement that caused them to revert to form and commit grievous atrocities? In fact, aren’t these the reasons why you voted against this imperialist war?”

And let’s not forget Jack Murtha’s questions from Mr. Clark:
“Congressman, did you or did you not say that American troops should be withdrawn from Iraq “immediately?” If executed, would not this plan have precluded the capture of Mr. Zarqawi by what is obviously an illegal occupying Army, which in your words, “cannot win?” What then is the point of having left the troops there? Merely to inconvenience my client?”

Clark’s summation could be cribbed straight from the Moussaoui trial:
“Here’s a man who grew up in a dirt-poor, polluted industrial town in Jordan, where dirt-poor really means something. And who did he have to report to? The privileged remittance-man of a Saudi Arabian construction cartel. Who among us could fault Mr. Zarqawi for trying to succeed by outdoing this cave-dwelling plutocrat?

Mr. Zarqawi came from a dysfunctional family, and was later a victim of the brutality of those otherwise godlike Russian communists in their Afghan quagmire. Ladies and gentlemen, can we not prove that we are better than these totalitarian thugs I normally so dearly love and praise? Ask yourselves, if we cannot bring our compassion to bear for Mr. Zarqawi’s indiscretions, what pitiful shard of America’s already tawdry claim of defending liberty can remain? Are not the design, building, placement and detonation of IEDs protected by the First Amendment? Of course they are, but Mr. Zarqawi was never even read his Miranda rights!”

Another member of the forum posted a statement by The Media Wing of al-Qaeda in Iraq, which read: “We confirm the martyrdom of our mujahid (holy fighter) Sheikh Allah willing, Abu Muab al-Zarqawi on the land of the two rivers (Iraq).”

The statement added: “The death of our leader is life to us and only adds to our determination in continuing in the jihad till Allah’s word is the highest.”

If the death of your leader is life to you and if you’re really determined, then step right up. We have quite a few more 500 pound bombs with which we can animate the survivors.