Suicide bomb attack foiled
Fatima al-Zarqawi, niece of Abu, was arrested today while sitting in a 1977 Lada parked near Baghdad’s green zone. Iraqi police initially became suspicious because the car tilted deeply to the right rear. Ladas typically lean toward left fronts.
Police suspicions were further aroused because, despite temperatures in the 90s and wearing a heavy black burqa, Ms. al-Zarqawi sat in the car for 72 hours while police waited for a FISA-authorized search warrant.
When they did search the vehicle they found over 400 pounds of explosives in the trunk.
Fatima claimed that she had intended to enter the green zone and “visit the wrath of Allah upon the infidels”, but the plot was stymied when it became apparent that no male relative was willing to drive the car.
Upon hearing that a weak shock absorber had given her away, she said, “I’ve been nagging Mohammed to fix that for months. But would he get off his lazy patriarchal ass to help me become a martyr? Men!
‘Jihad, schmihad,’ he told me, ‘women don’t get 72 virgins anyway, so this is just stupid. Besides, that burqa makes your butt look fat.’”