Canadensis Canadenser


OK, here’s the deal.

Kim Jong Il goes off his meds and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (that’s North Korea for you political-geography majors at UC Berkeley) launches a Viagra enhanced version of the No-Dong missile at Kennebunkport because Dubya is there for a family weekend.

The Chinese have sold the DPRK faulty clones of Loral guidance systems in order to reduce the threat that Beijing could ever be targeted, so it veers off course.

It appears ground-zero is now approximately the intersection of Rue Rene Levesque and Rue St Laurent in downtown Montreal; where sits the Fatih Sultan Mehmed Mosque.

Canada has refused to participate in the Aegis Ballistic Missile Defense System. Canadian Premier Paul Martin has been sovereignly adamant:

“We are certainly intending to defend our sovereignty and our air space and if anything develops in our air space, we expect, as a sovereign state, to be notified and have influence on any decisions,” he said. “Canada’s a sovereign nation and we would expect and insist on being consulted on any intrusion into our air space.”

The wind is out of the north-east so the fallout will be contained in a plume nicely covering Ottawa.

You are George Bush. You have two minutes to decide whether to ding the Dong.

What do you do?

  1. Call Premier Martin and ask if he can say “nucular”?
  2. Call Premier Martin and point out that the sovereign air space is between his ears?
  3. Call the American Ambassador to Canada and ask him to make an appointment with Premier Martin (preferably in someplace remote, like Moose Factory)?
  4. Call the Premier of Alberta and ask if he’d like to be Governor of the 51st state?
  5. Reduce tariffs on softwood lumber?
  6. Finally learn how to pronounce “nuclear”, but in French?
  7. Knock the No-Dong down (there’s a song title there) without permission and send Ottawa an invoice for $100 million US dollars? (Be prepared to take them to small claims court.)
  8. Join Canada in the Kyoto treaty so they can afford missile defense?
  9. None of the above?

You now have a minute and thirty seconds. The answer is blowing in the wind, which has not shifted.

2 thoughts on “Canadensis Canadenser”

  1. Use the remaining 90 seconds to finish the song Tom Dooley:Knock down the No Dong, DubyaKnock the No Dong down,Knock down the No Dong, DubyaBefore people start to cryKnock down the No Dong, DubyaKnock the No Dong down,Knock down the No Dong, DubyaKnock it right out of the skySorry, ran out of time for antoher verse …

  2. This is like Canada refusing to join a neighborhood watch. They do not want to participate but want to be notified and be in charge of the operation if a suspicious person is lurking near their home.

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